last post for 10 days.

Happy Friday Goog
So I'm gonna try a different style of blogger thingy today….I’ll write this throughout the day as I think of and remember stuff….Im thinking more mindless bulk? Who knows…let’s give it a try.

So first is yet another link. My buddy Ivon sent me this one and I quote
”Don't know why .... but I thought of you when I found this site....LOL.......”
To say the least I was flattered. I mean, it must be the vibe I give off or something right?? Machismo?

Have you ever been in the bathroom and though of a really insightful question, an epiphany…if you will, but thought immediately that “Dammit, Old bean, you’re in the bathroom…there are no answers for your insightful question here”… BUT THERE ARE!!


I don’t know if this writing through the day will work as I actually have work to do….BUT it’s a work in progress….
I'm on Vaca next week, I’ll maybe pop in and say hi.

jerm

Website Hilarity!

Good morning Goog
How was your evening last night? Mouth breathers and lonely WOW players keeping you up all night? I betcha they were.

You know what I love?? Laughing. My Buddy Pat sent me this website yesterday morning and I’ve been laughing since. Texts from last night is FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!! Some of them, I was laughing so hard that my ab’s hurt, even through all of those layers of protective laugh proof fat, they still hurt. Here are a few nuggets of hilarity….

(504): My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life

And
(617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

And
(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404): Two?
(404): Two.

With witty comic book like banter such as this….IT makes ME want to stay classy San Diego. And no…I don’t mean it makes me want to be a whale’s Vagina… speaking of which…another of those wonderful texts…

(732): I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

That is Oscar wild like goodness… I mean …Come on, Funny shit.

Also, I’ve been listening to Ale3xisonfire’s new album…Wow. Not too bad at all. I love the track “The Northern”. Dallas Green’s voice makes wet.

So…short update, BUT there you are…OH, and Two for the road…

(704): she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And
(732): You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.




jerm

More nothing...Am I losing my steam??

Hey Goog
How was your evening last night? Mine was not too bad. Played the Sims 3 for a bit, did about 5 min of sketching, helped Smally with his new video game thingy, weeded the garden and a whole lotta nothing else. But the crappy thing is…My hunny is sick today. 

I have vacation coming up next and I'm looking forward to going camping. We’ll be hitting Shediac
next Thursday or Friday and doing a fair amount of swimming at Parlee Beach. I think I'm gonna need a Snorkel and mask.

Ya know…with this rain, I'm not use to being indoors doing nothing. I love being out in the yard, fiddling around with chopping, or trampoline’in, or whatever….It kinda really sucks. This weekend, I’m thinking of hitting the Bluffs with a bunch of people, or a few, AND if their all up for it, maybe shoot some pics at Quiddy falls?
Anyone?? Huh???

Any way goog, I’ll chat atcha tomorow
jerm

lazy post

Good Morning Goog,
SO , father’s day weekend. It was good.
Saturday, Up early, two beers before I get into the river for the annual canoe trip. Good times. 6 to 8 hours on the river, 12 beers, no buzz, let alone drunk. Kept pulling drunk people out of the water so they wouldn’t drown, Sang I'm on a boat about 50 times…or parts of it anyway. Had some BBQ, had too many laughs at other’s expenses and when home early as sober as when I had woke up. But that was a good thing. I could elaborate more on it, but I really don’t feel like writing today so use your imagination.

Sunday, RELAXED. Got some great FD cards and gifts, had some beers and did a whole lotta nuthin.

jerm

a whole lotta nuthin!

Good Morning Goog,
So what’s happinin in the magical world of me? Today is the last day of school for Smally… I'm really excited for him. I broke my new axe…so that’s what?... 2 in as many weeks? I now own the Sims 3 and am building a replica of my house in the game….Ummmm, what else? Some of the damn crows got into our peas and beans...Damn crows… and then there is this weekend..

SO..Annual Canoe trip tomorrow BUT it’s suppose to rain, I mean…COME ON. I wanted to make t-shirts for the occasion, inspired by the Lonely Island’s “I'm on a boat” and have some laughs. I wanted to get alcohol poisoning, tip my canoe and vomit in the river to lure in the lamper eel’s to their doom…..I wanted to stand up and pee off of the back. Well, there is always next year.

So instead we’ll party like it’s 1999…But without the paranoia of a apocalyptic Robot uprising…But I’ve not ruled out Zombies. Fuckin Zack will show up any day now.

Well…Not big updates today BUT at least youse got sumpthin bitches.

jerm

Muffin Top?

Hey Goog,
So today’s bloggy thingy McJiggy…I really have a low key humdrum life so there aren’t much musings or goings on’s….Hmmmmm….?
I split wood last night and that was awesome. I can defiantly feel the difference in all of this exercise that I’ve been doing. It’s amazing. I'm still a fat ass BUT a fat ass with a strong grip and a slightly smaller muffin top. Speaking of Muffin top….I saw a fella this morning while getting coffee who took muffin top to a whole new level. My Wife, Ryan
(my cousin) were about to pull away from Tim Hortons and low and behold a fella walks past Ryan’s SUV. He didn’t have a muffin top…he had what I claimed to be a mushroom top. It was interesting to see…. I mean…I kept thinking of Smurf houses when I saw him… Also, I purchased the Sims 3. I’ve not played it yet but it does look really good. I can choose to be evil and become a town overlord. That should be fun

This weekend is the annual canoe trip. I’m rate stoked about it. Get my canoe on, get my drink on, get some swimming on, get my vomit on… Fun for all the family. Also, there has been a little 9 hole golf course set up so I’m thinking of looking for a left handed 5 iron or some shit for the hell of it.
I’ll keep you posted. Any who.

Your quote today:
When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It's for fun.

jerm

Captain Spaulding is the only clown I like

Hey Goog,
How was your evening last night? Mine was pretty darn good. Remember Stump Watch? The first one? Well, all that is left of that project is grass seed. You guessed it. I’ve gotten all of the top soil that I need and now to seed, to seed, to seed. However, My Love, (who is going to Toronto….again, on our anniversary TOMORROW) may want to plant wild flowers there which would be lovely.

I’ve also, last night, discovered the beautiful and relaxing art of splitting wood. OMG… it is so satisfying… I mean, now I feel I know why executioners put so much love and devotion into their work. Bringing that hard steal down on a mass that will inevitably split and crack…..pure bliss. I would totally put the “cute” in execute!!

Also, for the maybe 5th time, I watched “ the Devils rejects ” I simply love this movie. A small town family on the run from the law. It shows the bonds and ties that bind families together..and those same bonds on the occasional cheerleader taken from the cellar. Rob Zombie is an amazing visionary when it comes to imagery and settings for film. God bless that man.
I love Otis’s quote
“Boy, the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant fuckin' Mark Twain shit. 'Cause it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone.”

And Spaulding’s quote when he steels the car from a mother and son…
“Captain J.T. Spaulding: What's the matter, kid? Don't ya like clowns?
Jamie: [shakes head crying]
Captain J.T. Spaulding: Why? Don't we make ya laugh? Aren't we fuckin' funny? You best come up with an answer, cos I'm gonna come back here and check on you and your momma and if you ain't got a reason why you hate clowns, I'm gonna kill your whole fucking family.
Jamie: [continues crying]
Captain J.T. Spaulding: All right, now get your fuckin' ass out the car, go on yayayayayaya


That’s Shakespeare kind of stuff right there…
While watching this, I did a lil’ doodle.

Any whoo….
jerm

Weekend Acts of God's hands.

Hey Goog,
How was your weekend on the internet machine? Mine was rather non-existent. Well…I “borrowed” some movies from some friends throughout the world AND I checked Digg.com but other than that, Nada.

We did allot of yard work this weekend. I worked in the garden for about an hour or so, planted Cauliflower, radishes, Swiss chard, cucumbers and a few other things I’m probably forgetting, BUT it was gooood. I dug up some top soil for where the stump from stump Watch use to be and added that. That was a good 2 hours and after that?? He he, We, that is to say my father in law and I, made two more stumps.

There are 4 trees in our yard that are slowly dying and we decided to help them on their way…it was the humane thing to do really. Now these trees were fucking humongous, and you all in the Google machine community know that I don’t like to drop the “H”-Bomb allot but they were HUMONGOUS!!!
Now, due to my prowess and clairvoyant skills…I know what you’re thinking…”But jerm…you should have left those trees alone to fall the way God intended them to…You bad bad man, How could you take the lives of such noble trees?” And really my answer to that is simple…Bill and I are doing God’s work. We were, NAY, are the hands of God in action…sweet sweet divine, axe and chain saw wielding action

And this is what the trees were thinking…

'Things have changed. [...] Some of us are still true Ents, and lively enough in our fashion, but many are growing sleepy, going tree-ish, as you might say. Most of the trees are just trees, of course; but many are half awake. Some are quite wide awake, and a few are, well, ah, well getting Entish. That is going on all the time.
When that happens to a tree, you find that some have bad hearts. [...] Still, we do what we can. We keep off strangers and the foolhardy; and we train and we teach, we walk and we weed.' "
(Treebeard)


Ya see there… Bad hearts . These four, these fours trees of the Eco-pocalypse are just biding their time until they will strike and smote a piece of our home, But nay I say, we destroyed two of their numbers and I feel that in time…the other two will fall.

( I shouldn’t have watched 300 on the way to work this morning)

Any whoo….
jerm

LAzy lazy update

Hey Goog, or should I call you G-Love?
I had a rather uneventful evening last night as I was so frikkin tired. I was irritable and cranky and an all around asshole. Fuckin Animal crossing…it draws me in. I feel my town would fall apart without me. Then there’s the fish…it’s August 1st in my game so I'm sure there are new fish. AND Gracie Grace has new stuff in after 2-3 months of the same ol same ol… I mean COME ON!!!! But yeah…It calls me from sleeping and lures me into a false sense of living with woodland friends, digging up fossils; catching bugs and fishing goodness… damn those cuties. AND I found out that Jitters is leaving my town. DAMMIT. I like him. He was funny. But I did get a pinwheel from the walrus in town…that was pretty sweet.
The Sims 3 is out now too. I really want to try that. It looks fun, BUT I don’t think my home PC has the sys requirements for it.

Sorry for the boring update, but what are ya gonna do?


jerm

Imagine there were no hypothetical situations.

Hey Goog,

STUMP WATCH: Day Three
You guessed it Goog and Mr. Blogger Thingy… The stump has been redistributed into the local trees and or forest, or as we like to say..I threw it all down over the hill. Last night, the with impending rain looming, I wanted to get the stump out(TWSS) and gone. It was a bit easier than I had thought it would be. There was still the issue of the roots being entwined around large rocks and some that sunk deep into the ground, BUT I prevailed. Just like Chaz Michael Michaels, I refuse to give up. This weekend will consist of getting topsoil and grading the area.

Awesome Jeremy – 1
Bastard Stump - 0


So what shall I Blogger thingy about on this fine rainy day?? I could wax intellectual about how I have and continue to believe that Tupac is still alive , though my wife say’s I'm crazy...But here are some pics
. OR I could try to explain my theory about the act of yawning actually slowing time down and is your body’s way of holding death off for a bit longer, and again…my wife thinks I'm crazy. OR my irrational fear of December of 2012 and the end of the world ? I mean… many apocalyptic prophecies have been right in the past haven’t they ?? I have to prepare…








I’ll talk about… meh, I have nothing today. Funny Signs? or Cute animals?? or maybe The Most Eligible Bachelor of 2009 or maybe some disturbing photos?



So until tomorrow Goog.

And Tupac, if your reading this, I hope your having a great day and you still owe me $20…
jerm

Ever see a man's stump? Guy's like, "Go on, man. I want you to know how it feels. Touch it. Touch my stump."

Hey Goog,

STUMP WATCH: Day TWO
So Without having the forethought to photograph this awesome endeavor of stump removal, I struggle to find the words to convey the size and girth of this stump I'm trying to remove from our yard. Hmmm..Think Ron Jeremy’s Girth coupled with John Holmes size? Wait, bad example. SO yeah, even though this thing was cut to the base however many years ago, the stump still goes about 3 to 3 1/2 feet into the ground. Some of the roots are about as thick as my thigh and what I discovered last night….The roots are intertwined with rocks…Like a twisted lovers embrace. What next?? Water fueled fire?. So let’s think of the dimensions….

3-3 ½ feet high
+
4-5 foot diameter
+
Thigh and wrist thick roots
+
dime size blisters
+
Sunburn

= AWESOME

I'm thinking it’s about the size of a smart car and weighs about 300 to 350 pounds. I’ll keep you posted



So right now, I'm listening to Video Kid. Does anyone know who that is? WELL let me tell you. Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Conchords? that’s right. It’s Like trance/house/synth pop mixed with some folk influences. Its pretty rad. Youse in the google machine will have to have a listen. AND…I just found out about Tongan Ninja and you guessed it….That’s Jemaine Clement from FOTC in a NINJA MOVIE. Here is the trailer… I NEED TO SEE THIS. The fact that he’s the villain called Action Fighter (Marvin) says it all really. And with witty dialogue like this…

Action Fighter: And then there was this other guy... I gouged out his eyes, swapped them around, and then replaced them... as a joke!

Or

Action Fighter: So, you are the infamous Gun Man
Gun Man: That's right
Action Fighter: I hear your good with guns
Gun Man: I'm not just good; I'm the best
Action Fighter: I heard you were good. I once knew a man who was good with children. They called him; Children Man. Know him?
Gun Man: I kneecapped him and then I killed him
Action Fighter: Nice

How have I not heard about this in 7 years??… Man…I neeeed to see this.

So until tomorrow Goog.


jerm

Weekend of relaxing

Good Morning Goog,
How was your weekend? Mine was Awesome. I got my baby back from her week long stint of big city livin.
All is right with the world now. So how was my weekend you ask? Well, it was OK.
Friday I waited for my Baby to get home so that was a long night full of anticipation, but as I said, she’s back and the world can spin once more. Also, I Bought plants, fertilizer and Planted in my garden. What did I plant you ask? WELL, I planted Green peppers, Jalapeño peppers, Early Girl tomatoes, Beefsteak Tomatoes , Broccoli, Two types of lettuce and onions. All of this is just the beginning. I still have half of the garden to plant.

Saturday? I'm glad you asked? Smally went to him Nana’s for the evening to help her break in her Wii. I'm sure it was a Wii-tastic time. My lady and I chilled out at home after dropping him off and enjoyed the Beautiful sunny day. I had some beers, had some sun, and had some more beers.

Sunday, I removed a rather prickly rose bush from around a tree that I will also be removing. BUT also, I started the task of removing a humongous old stump.
I'm about 8/5 done and it’s a huge task. Again, I underestimated the task and found myself in over my head, BUT I have stick-to-it-iveness. Some of the tree roots are as big around as my thigh. The smaller ones are as big around as my forearm. So there is lot’s of choppin, lots of diggin and lots and lots of topless sweating in the sun. I guess you could say I'm actively tanning.

So needless to say, I’ll be on Root removal patrol this evening and busting my ass some more. J DAMN it feels good to be a gangsta.



jerm

Slow news day.

Happy Friday Goog,
And you know what Friday means…..? My BABY is home tonight. WHOOT. IT’s gonna be awesome. Even though it’s only been like 5 days, it seems like forever. I hate being apart from her and am now counting down the hours until her glorious return. J

So last night, I did nothing….Threw a football around with Smally and jumped on the trampoline with him, BUT other than that, nada. IT’s was relaxing

This month We have our annual canoe trip coming up. It’s on June 20th. We start in Sussex and come do to Apohaque. It’s like 6 to 8 hours full of paddling, drinking, snacks and laughs. When we land in Apohaque, we party the rest of the night away swimming in the pool, BBQ’ing and singing and maybe some poker and LOADS of good stuff. We have the option of camping or packing up at the end and heading home. Now we just have to get a canoe….
It’s the one event that I look forward to every year as I enjoy it SO much. Though this will be my 9th or 10th year, this is the 21st anniversary for it.

What else is up? I have some laundry to do tonight…. And…um….may do some choppin and raking? Um….. yeah. Now a whole hell of a lot.
Did you watch that new tattoo show Tattoo Hi-way? It’s pretty good. Thomas from H&H tattoo and that old A&E show Inked is on it. I watched the first two episodes and it was rather good. I’ll have to keep watching. Ya know it’s a slow news day when I'm talking about TV shows. I mean What the Holy?
OH yeah and Wipeout started again…it’s great as usual….. Ummm…yeah, I’ve got nuthin….

See ya Monday Goog!

My raking brings all the boys to the yard...

It’s Thursday Goog,
The Mrs. is home tomorrow night from her big city livin. WOOO HOOOO

So…what shall it be today Goog and Mr. Blogger thingy? What insights of wisdom can I instill upon the 1 and or two readers that I have? Should I discuss the rise of the Canadian Dollar? Discuss my thoughts on how Fossil Teeth Hint at Animal Adaptation to Global Warming? Or maybe something along the lines of how Bruno ass-cracked and tea-bagged Eminem at the MYV movie award and how, though we did not know at the beginning, but Em was in on it the whole time?

Maybe something like I think I finally cracked with the whole cleaning up the woods around my place. So I went in last night, axe and hatchet in hand off to do my daily due of relaxing. But upon entering the hard to find path…I started looking and said to myself “Self…it’s really messy in here..I have to do something about this” So I walked in further and was really put out by how messy the woods actually are. So I did what any crackpot, shack wacky, wife missing red blooded, precocious young 31 year old boy would do… I went and got a rake .

I raked the shit out of that place, and soon, I had piles of bracken and limbed branches everywhere. And it soon occurred to me that there were two issues with this scenario. 1. I was gonna need another rake and 2. Where would I hide all f this mess? Calling upon my guile and crafty-ness, I pondered. “where could I put the bigger mess that I’ve made?”

Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Jerm, you’re in the woods, just hide it in the woods?”
And that really is the sissy way out. I had ideas of hooking up a trailer to the bike and hauling it out to have a monumental fire, OR maybe finding a landfill…you know, the sensible options, BUT in the end faithful reader(s), I took your advice and hid the woods, …in the woods.

It was surprisingly easy. You, my faithful reader(s) have great ideas.

So Goog and Mr. Bloggy Thingy what did we learn today?
Two rakes are better than one? Stick with a daunting task regardless of the size (insert a “that’s what she said” here)? No, what we learned today was that hiding stuff can be best achieved in the most obvious places.

Until tomorrow

jerm

Mr. Black Thumb

Good day Goog,

Jeremy, Jeremy, bearded and hairy,
How does your garden grow?
I'm gonna plant some shit, just a little bit
And put lots of cow shit all in the rows.[

What do you think Goog? Poet Lauriat type of material?? I know what you’re thinking, “But Jerm, you have black thumbs, how the Holy will you be able to grow anything? Those poor defenseless plants won’t stand a chance you dumb bastard, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO THE ECO SYSTEM???” Come on Goog, you know me better than that? Don’t you? I thought you and Mr. Blogger thingy knew my gardening agenda? Well I guess you don’t, thanks for paying attention, or are you too busy with all of your search engine functions to take notice of the little guy. YOU know what GOOG, You’re a CRUMB BUM!!!!!
There I said it….awwww, come on…..don’t cry….I’m sorry, I was just caught up in the heat of the moment………..Your maps are great? You do a really great job of mappin the shit out of the earth? Yeah? Smile….Hey….I GOT YOUR NOSE!!! I got it…oh. Sorry, that use to be funny. You use to laugh for hours over that Goog. But we’ll talk later. I have to update my one reader of my Mr. bloggy thingy…

SO, stoic reader(s) as you may have guessed due to my blatant rip off of a children’s rhyme, I will be planting tonight. I’m really looking forward to it for two reasons. 1. Do I have the long sought after “green Thumb”? And 2. I get to play in the dirt as an adult and not feel foolish.

My Buddy Muffin is coming by this evening for a beer or two as well and I may introduce him to the wonderful art of Chopping shit up. Being that he’s training to become an MMA fighter, ( a real one, not one like those guys who want to feel tough and say their training for it when in fact the only training they do is watch the Ultimate fighter and tell people about it) But it may inspire him to bump up his training and head into the local woods and or park wielding an axe…for exercise.

Today I have to give a presentation on Ergonomics and I think it’s good. It will consist of me talking and showing some videos and having some handouts. Here is where you Ooooo and Ahhhhhhh….well…if you saw the presentation that I’ve prepared…you would OOoooooooo and Ahhhhhhhhh.

AnyWho Goog and Mr. Blogger thingy… Until tomorrow.

Goog and me having adventures.

Good morning Google’y,
Can I call you Google’y? OR Gee to the Oh Oh Gee? Or Goog? I’ll go with Goog
. It makes me feel like we’ve know each other for years and years. Like we went to collage together and had adventures….Almost like we were the stars of the the movie Back to school But you would be Rodney Dangerfield (before he died) and I would be your embarrassed son…OR you can be the Zombie Rodney Dangerfield and I would be your Awesome super special Son who would send you out on missions. Like stealing the other University and or Collage’s Mascot, or playing pranks on the Dean
….Ooooo, that Dean…..
OR, OMG Goog, we could have gone on a cross Canada road trip to see a concert and we’d again get into adventures alng the way.

What kind of adventures you ask? Well we would probably get kicked out of a Historic Village tour, OR we would totally get Wild and crazy at a tea party with whomever.

Well…that’s our summer planned Goog, are you picking up what I'm putting down???

SO last night….I really didn’t do anything. I didn’t plant…Didn’t chop, I did work on a presentation for a workshop I have to do tomorrow, but other then that….. Nada




jerm

Im friggan sore.....

Good morning Blogger thingy,
So today is a sad day, my baby went to Toronto for the week and left me to fend for myself….I just don’t know how I'm going to cope with having my WHOLE bed to stretch out in. But really, I’ll probably just sleep on her Pillows on the floor.

So my weekend. WHAT the holy!!!! am I tired and sore, and not tired and sore in the good way, well maybe a little, BUT YIKES. Got down in the woods and did allot of chopping and re-allocating of trees and tree parts on Friday, relaxed a bit, may have had a beer…not bad, BUT then Saturday…..my OH my Saturday…..

I’ve come to realize just how much I underestimated incredibly HARD tilling a new garden is. From 8am until about 1:30pm of back breaking, labor intensive, shoulder ripping tilling. OMG!! (That’s right I totally omg’d right there) The pain really didn’t start on Saturday, I was just tired really. SO of course I sauntered down into the woods to do some more chopping with my NEW axe and hatchet.

Taking it upon myself to sharpen them both……..then after about 45 minutes realizing that I failed miserably at it and was using a dull axe and hatchet I conceded and, with a hung head, walked back out of the woods even more tired. BUT again, I wasn’t sore, just tired.

ENTER SUNDAY……HOLY SHIT was I sore when I woke up. I was sore as I walked to the bathroom, I was sore as I ate a bowl of Corn Pops, and I was sore after I got dressed and went for a smoke, BUT I was really sore when I helped my buddy Scott move into his new home for 5 hours…….I was sore

OH and did I mention that I was sore when I got home and after tilling the garden, we had to build the rows….with a hoe…..after moving for five hours……so yeah. I was/am/will be sore. 
What a great weekend it was tho. How was yours?

jerm