Imagine there were no hypothetical situations.

Hey Goog,

STUMP WATCH: Day Three
You guessed it Goog and Mr. Blogger Thingy… The stump has been redistributed into the local trees and or forest, or as we like to say..I threw it all down over the hill. Last night, the with impending rain looming, I wanted to get the stump out(TWSS) and gone. It was a bit easier than I had thought it would be. There was still the issue of the roots being entwined around large rocks and some that sunk deep into the ground, BUT I prevailed. Just like Chaz Michael Michaels, I refuse to give up. This weekend will consist of getting topsoil and grading the area.

Awesome Jeremy – 1
Bastard Stump - 0


So what shall I Blogger thingy about on this fine rainy day?? I could wax intellectual about how I have and continue to believe that Tupac is still alive , though my wife say’s I'm crazy...But here are some pics
. OR I could try to explain my theory about the act of yawning actually slowing time down and is your body’s way of holding death off for a bit longer, and again…my wife thinks I'm crazy. OR my irrational fear of December of 2012 and the end of the world ? I mean… many apocalyptic prophecies have been right in the past haven’t they ?? I have to prepare…








I’ll talk about… meh, I have nothing today. Funny Signs? or Cute animals?? or maybe The Most Eligible Bachelor of 2009 or maybe some disturbing photos?



So until tomorrow Goog.

And Tupac, if your reading this, I hope your having a great day and you still owe me $20…
jerm

Slow news day.

Happy Friday Goog,
And you know what Friday means…..? My BABY is home tonight. WHOOT. IT’s gonna be awesome. Even though it’s only been like 5 days, it seems like forever. I hate being apart from her and am now counting down the hours until her glorious return. J

So last night, I did nothing….Threw a football around with Smally and jumped on the trampoline with him, BUT other than that, nada. IT’s was relaxing

This month We have our annual canoe trip coming up. It’s on June 20th. We start in Sussex and come do to Apohaque. It’s like 6 to 8 hours full of paddling, drinking, snacks and laughs. When we land in Apohaque, we party the rest of the night away swimming in the pool, BBQ’ing and singing and maybe some poker and LOADS of good stuff. We have the option of camping or packing up at the end and heading home. Now we just have to get a canoe….
It’s the one event that I look forward to every year as I enjoy it SO much. Though this will be my 9th or 10th year, this is the 21st anniversary for it.

What else is up? I have some laundry to do tonight…. And…um….may do some choppin and raking? Um….. yeah. Now a whole hell of a lot.
Did you watch that new tattoo show Tattoo Hi-way? It’s pretty good. Thomas from H&H tattoo and that old A&E show Inked is on it. I watched the first two episodes and it was rather good. I’ll have to keep watching. Ya know it’s a slow news day when I'm talking about TV shows. I mean What the Holy?
OH yeah and Wipeout started again…it’s great as usual….. Ummm…yeah, I’ve got nuthin….

See ya Monday Goog!

My raking brings all the boys to the yard...

It’s Thursday Goog,
The Mrs. is home tomorrow night from her big city livin. WOOO HOOOO

So…what shall it be today Goog and Mr. Blogger thingy? What insights of wisdom can I instill upon the 1 and or two readers that I have? Should I discuss the rise of the Canadian Dollar? Discuss my thoughts on how Fossil Teeth Hint at Animal Adaptation to Global Warming? Or maybe something along the lines of how Bruno ass-cracked and tea-bagged Eminem at the MYV movie award and how, though we did not know at the beginning, but Em was in on it the whole time?

Maybe something like I think I finally cracked with the whole cleaning up the woods around my place. So I went in last night, axe and hatchet in hand off to do my daily due of relaxing. But upon entering the hard to find path…I started looking and said to myself “Self…it’s really messy in here..I have to do something about this” So I walked in further and was really put out by how messy the woods actually are. So I did what any crackpot, shack wacky, wife missing red blooded, precocious young 31 year old boy would do… I went and got a rake .

I raked the shit out of that place, and soon, I had piles of bracken and limbed branches everywhere. And it soon occurred to me that there were two issues with this scenario. 1. I was gonna need another rake and 2. Where would I hide all f this mess? Calling upon my guile and crafty-ness, I pondered. “where could I put the bigger mess that I’ve made?”

Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Jerm, you’re in the woods, just hide it in the woods?”
And that really is the sissy way out. I had ideas of hooking up a trailer to the bike and hauling it out to have a monumental fire, OR maybe finding a landfill…you know, the sensible options, BUT in the end faithful reader(s), I took your advice and hid the woods, …in the woods.

It was surprisingly easy. You, my faithful reader(s) have great ideas.

So Goog and Mr. Bloggy Thingy what did we learn today?
Two rakes are better than one? Stick with a daunting task regardless of the size (insert a “that’s what she said” here)? No, what we learned today was that hiding stuff can be best achieved in the most obvious places.

Until tomorrow

jerm

Mr. Black Thumb

Good day Goog,

Jeremy, Jeremy, bearded and hairy,
How does your garden grow?
I'm gonna plant some shit, just a little bit
And put lots of cow shit all in the rows.[

What do you think Goog? Poet Lauriat type of material?? I know what you’re thinking, “But Jerm, you have black thumbs, how the Holy will you be able to grow anything? Those poor defenseless plants won’t stand a chance you dumb bastard, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO THE ECO SYSTEM???” Come on Goog, you know me better than that? Don’t you? I thought you and Mr. Blogger thingy knew my gardening agenda? Well I guess you don’t, thanks for paying attention, or are you too busy with all of your search engine functions to take notice of the little guy. YOU know what GOOG, You’re a CRUMB BUM!!!!!
There I said it….awwww, come on…..don’t cry….I’m sorry, I was just caught up in the heat of the moment………..Your maps are great? You do a really great job of mappin the shit out of the earth? Yeah? Smile….Hey….I GOT YOUR NOSE!!! I got it…oh. Sorry, that use to be funny. You use to laugh for hours over that Goog. But we’ll talk later. I have to update my one reader of my Mr. bloggy thingy…

SO, stoic reader(s) as you may have guessed due to my blatant rip off of a children’s rhyme, I will be planting tonight. I’m really looking forward to it for two reasons. 1. Do I have the long sought after “green Thumb”? And 2. I get to play in the dirt as an adult and not feel foolish.

My Buddy Muffin is coming by this evening for a beer or two as well and I may introduce him to the wonderful art of Chopping shit up. Being that he’s training to become an MMA fighter, ( a real one, not one like those guys who want to feel tough and say their training for it when in fact the only training they do is watch the Ultimate fighter and tell people about it) But it may inspire him to bump up his training and head into the local woods and or park wielding an axe…for exercise.

Today I have to give a presentation on Ergonomics and I think it’s good. It will consist of me talking and showing some videos and having some handouts. Here is where you Ooooo and Ahhhhhhh….well…if you saw the presentation that I’ve prepared…you would OOoooooooo and Ahhhhhhhhh.

AnyWho Goog and Mr. Blogger thingy… Until tomorrow.

Im friggan sore.....

Good morning Blogger thingy,
So today is a sad day, my baby went to Toronto for the week and left me to fend for myself….I just don’t know how I'm going to cope with having my WHOLE bed to stretch out in. But really, I’ll probably just sleep on her Pillows on the floor.

So my weekend. WHAT the holy!!!! am I tired and sore, and not tired and sore in the good way, well maybe a little, BUT YIKES. Got down in the woods and did allot of chopping and re-allocating of trees and tree parts on Friday, relaxed a bit, may have had a beer…not bad, BUT then Saturday…..my OH my Saturday…..

I’ve come to realize just how much I underestimated incredibly HARD tilling a new garden is. From 8am until about 1:30pm of back breaking, labor intensive, shoulder ripping tilling. OMG!! (That’s right I totally omg’d right there) The pain really didn’t start on Saturday, I was just tired really. SO of course I sauntered down into the woods to do some more chopping with my NEW axe and hatchet.

Taking it upon myself to sharpen them both……..then after about 45 minutes realizing that I failed miserably at it and was using a dull axe and hatchet I conceded and, with a hung head, walked back out of the woods even more tired. BUT again, I wasn’t sore, just tired.

ENTER SUNDAY……HOLY SHIT was I sore when I woke up. I was sore as I walked to the bathroom, I was sore as I ate a bowl of Corn Pops, and I was sore after I got dressed and went for a smoke, BUT I was really sore when I helped my buddy Scott move into his new home for 5 hours…….I was sore

OH and did I mention that I was sore when I got home and after tilling the garden, we had to build the rows….with a hoe…..after moving for five hours……so yeah. I was/am/will be sore. 
What a great weekend it was tho. How was yours?

jerm

Damn Innuendo's

Good morning Internet machine,
Today, I am wearing a grey t-shirt with a stencil of my face painted on it. Why you ask? Because it makes me laugh. Now all I need is a moustache and a mirror and I’ll be in a fit of giggles all day. 
I found out yesterday that Billy Talent has a new album out and as I type this, I'm listening to it now. Also, Iron & Wine
has a new one out too and I’ll be listening to that one tomorrow…probably while I swing the axe, (My wife Carrie, seeing my new and improved Muscle’y forarms
, say’s “So that’s what you’re calling it these days? Swinging an axe?”) I like to think of it as treating myself as an Amusement park
, BUT swinging as axe sounds manlier….I think it’s a size
thing. Swinging a hatchet doesn’t sound as impressive. BUT needless to say, when I say I'm in the woods, swinging an axe, I’m hitting and pulling wood…..wait, I mean, I'm pulling logs and trying not to get sap on my hands….…wait…..(still sounds bad) I'm cutting and redistributing trees and tree parts.. DAMN Axe swinging innuendo….
I did a bit of drawing last night BUT have not brought it to scan…I forgot. I was thinking of scanning and posting a progression of the image but …meh, who knows. I’m almost forcing myself to draw these days and it’s a struggle, but it’s the same with writing...the only writing I do is on this blogger machine thingy. I’ll keep at it though..I need to have a consistency and something to focus on that’s not a television

jerm

Whiney Bitch

Good morning Internet,
So, how shall I begin my daily diatribe today? Positive? Quirky? Pet peeves? Yeah, let’s go with that one. One of my pet peeves is ……not having any pet peeves. DAMMIT, why can’t I be a whiney bitch about things like half of the world’s population. I mean, if I complained more I believe that I would get what I want, whenever I want, BUT Instead, I don’t complain about a whole hell of a lot and …I have everything I want….wait, that doesn’t work….? I have a beautiful wife and two great sons, a roof over my head, use of all my extremities…a great job, and great friends, an IQ of more then but not really equal to 87…I can read some and write a little, I can do maths AND remember to carry the two and have a healthy meal or two on a daily basis, I have holidays and great weekends, I can draw a little and have access to a whole slew of different varieties of music…I have a great pair of boots and a mean left hook. I'm not noticeably disfigured in any way at first glance and really am not a hideous fucking C.H.U.D in low lighting….. So..If I complained more….Would I get more? OR would I Lose most of it?
And that reminds me, how the holy do these Douchbags get away with it??

So last night, you guessed it, I wandered off into the woods again Axe slung over my shoulder, ear buds in place and began a chop-tastic adventure. GOOD times. I don’t fell healthy trees, it’s more cosmetic then anything. I take trees down that are dead but have not fallen, and take trees that have fallen and chop them into bite size pieces. IT’s rather cathardic….
jerm

Fly's arent a'scared of axe's.....TV lied to me.

Good morning Mr. Internet,

SO I suppose you want to know about my evening last night huh?? Nose'y bastards, HOWEVER, I’ll indulge your curiosity, BUT don’t think I'm this nice all of the time cause I’m NOT, and it’s not as though I have nothing better to do because I ….well, All’s I’m saying is that your probably here to hear about the latest celebrity gossip, like….Aqua is making a comeback? Or that Annie Leibovitz is Bankrupt, or maybe that celebs are against or for H8?? I don’t even know what the hell H8 is cause I didn’t read the article, just gleaned the headlines, BUT it must be good/bad if the celebs are talking about it….?

So yeah, last night, I trudged into the woods again with an Axe and hatchet and went to work. I was swinging those mutha Ucka’s like mad, HOWEVER, I think I was pissing of the the black fly’s and mosquito’s as they were attacking me. Ya ever see in cartoons when Bees swarm the silly dog because he dropped an anvil on their lil friend who was out drinking the night before and met what he thought were hookers but were undercover tranny cops.. Well, you know when the bees make shapes en mass and chase said anvil dropping dog… Well that was me in the woods, and let me tell ya…an axe is not a good way of getting rid of black fly’s….that’s all I’ll say. (and before you ask, NO they did not swarm into the shape of a sword or an axe and challenge me to a duel………)

Did some drawing last night, still working out the kinks as I don’t really know what I'm doing BUT here is the pic in question.

jerm

My day yesterday.

Good morning Mr. Google Machine,
Today, we shall talk about what?? Any thoughts?....Me? well, that’s none of your business.., no, but it was…Don’t call me that! I TOLD YOU..I DIDN”T EAT YOUR PEPPERONI!!! YA Dink!

So yeah, I did some drawing last night and it was good, not great but good. I came across this amazing artist on http://www.conceptart.org/ named Mike Butkis. (the peice on the left is inspired by his work) Wow, simply amazing artist, a banner that all artist should rally behind and learn from. I can’t get over his understanding of realism and anatomy. He’s a portrait artist, as well and an illustrator, as well as an amazing concept artist.. I’ll be watching his art for a long time. I have some of Smally's drawings as well....AMAZING stuff....

Also, in one of my sporadic whims and my forever need to get fit and in shape BUT never following though, I did some exercising last night. Now, I know what your saying, “Jeremy, you look great and awesome and you don’t need to exercise, maybe do a few sit ups once in awhile or maybe a push up or two….ok, and you may want to work on that gut and the muffin top, and your breathing seems really bad, and I see your developing some kankles, so the next thing will be a fronter where you look down in the shower and can’t see your dick….. SO Exercise huh? Good for you” I know your thinking that….

But yeah, I didn’t jog or go for a bike ride or do a push up, or even a sit up, I got an axe, some music, and went into the woods. I spent about an hour and a half just cleaning up the trails we have behind the house. Clearing up old dead logs, taking down dead trees, things like that… it was awesome….

So yeah….Same time Tomorrow??
jerm

Weekend synopsis

Good morning Mr. Blogger,
SO, what shall I impose upon you today….? Maybe how I’ve rediscovered Serj Tankian and Scars on Broadway’s albums yesterday and how I really loved them? OR how RIGHT NOW..Im listening to Staind’s new album hoping that it’ll be as good as their debut album? I could talk about how I got Steve Martin’s Banjo pickin album (yes the comedian) and it’s really good…if you like fiddelin and pickin grass roots music…yeah.


I’ll just give a brief synopsis of my weekend… Friday night……….I don’t really remember but I did mow some lawn, have some beers and jumped on some trampoline with some kind named Smally. Saturday I got to dig in some dirt and do some landscaping to make areas of the property more mow’able, and what else… Smally had a friend over, Nate, and they had some fun…you guessed it, on the trampoline. I tried a bike ride from Norton to Apohaqui. It’s about 20 km in total as the seagull flys so yeah… I did it and I’ll try it again as soon as my knee’s feel better and my ass doesn’t hut so much….. Sunday….Josh had a Cadet parade and aaward ceremony, it was awesome and won a trophy for either being really handsome or for being Too awesome… One of the two.


I didn’t draw this weekend BUT Smally did. He drew a Mario image that I forgot to bring to scan. BUT I’ll do it this evening as to not deprive all of his fans. BUT I’ll upload an old drawing of mine in the mean time.



until tomorrow

jerm

Ryans Studio

Remember a few weeks ago, I did a photo shoot because Ryan needed someone fat to pose for him, WELL, here are two images of the studio with 3 prints up.

Smally's Good time big fun drawing Mania

Good morning Mr. Blogger,


So, I got my drawing on with Smally last night and it was awesome. He drew a monster ravaging everything, poor lil blue people didn’t stand a chance after Smally gave the monster fire…. Poor poor bastards.



And I, as you may have guessed drew another monster guy/thingy/fella, BUT I didn’t draw his legs as I was unsure as to how I wanted them to look. Meh, if’s he’s gotten by this long with being an eater of all things meat, he can manage without legs….or can he…??? (insert suspenseful music here)


I think I’m gonna include some old art in here as well for no reason in particular, BUT what ones will I add?? With me there always seems to be a question with many choices. Should I add skulls? Should I add more monsters, Do I have anything that’s not either of the previously mentioned???? Shit, I don’t know…I drew a flower once many years ago.
Screw it, I’ll add skulls and monsters. You know it’s all FTW!


jerm

A bit of my prologue

Well in my last post, I mentioned that I’ll post a bit of a book I was working on. Well, I found something, But it’s now what I was looking for exactly. I doubt anyone reads this anyway, so dark void of the Google machine…. Enjoy.


Prologue



A dark soft candle should be your mindset for the divine, macabre journey that you've embarked upon. Delving into the art of a Master painter or a blood and urine soaked canvass of a patient whose guiding lights are the voices in his head, directing his hand. The Devils plaything? Or the art of a higher divinity needing to express a thought or a moment that is solely their own?
I have no name, but there are some who call me Odium, Fault or Ire. To some also, I am known as Hate or to others insight or inspiration.
I revel in despair and haunt the agony of the desperate and depressed. Filling their mind's with untruth and chaos. Turning them into someone, or something, like myself. It is for this reason that I journey through the Gallery Angelo's. A sort of affirmation of what has happened, what is happening and what may come to pass.
For myself, I view this place as a shrouded house of angst, a veiled home for my own personal sorrow and unhappiness. If I could cry, torrents of anguish would be set loose upon the great unwashed. But I cannot.
Instead, I articulate my own animus and sorrow through writing, music, or art. All painstakingly done through the medium of other creators. I am a muse of mal du siecle. However, the pious imagery that I've inspired through the centuries is my most precious. The ethereal divinities, be they good or bad, Seraphim or Succubus, I adore only these, as they are all I have.
The galleries have been visited by many. Some become enamored with what they find and experience, while others become terrified with some drawn to madness, and death. It is always these instances where I feel utter bliss.

Here, this place, Is like an angry voice that keeps us quiet. It keeps my sweet confessions beneath my tongue. These walls adorned with the victorious divine are like my children, born in Sodom, raised in Gomorra. Grown into men and women raised on the rod with a whip in hand.
The corridors fill me with certain trepidation that I long for and miss when the doors are shut, but upon them being open, I'm afraid that this place will devour me.

Through all of the galleries that I have created, the Gallery of Suicide, the Gallery of Decompose, or the Gallery of Rage, none can compare to this. The Gallery, my Gallery, brings meaning to this sorrow filled void that I've made my home. The savagery saturates into the walls and the floor, enveloping all who venture fourth to view the cadaverous divine. Wonderfully transcendent effigies given through me to those who needed them. Be it good or bad, they were needed.
Amassing such a collection of rapturous portrayals has been daunting but for the joy they bring me and the grief they brought to others, all was worth it.

On writing..

Again, here I am, and yet again, I pose the question of what will I bloggy thingy about today?!?! I really should be more prepared. Give it a little more thought perhaps? Well let me see, what are my options today?

I could write about the joy I get out of working in Photoshop?? OR how much I like funny buttons with witty sayings, like “Does my fat ass make my ass look fat?” OR will I go to hell for having a Jesus car air freshener hanging under my monitor here at work? (Smells like purification.) Hmmmmmm, quite a quandary.

SO I’ll again forgo the pre conceived notions above and write about ….writing. (I had an Austin Powers redundancy moment there…Allow myself to introduce….myself.)

So with writing, like so many others…I’ve hit a block, well actually, allow me to rephrase …a wall, wait, one more time…..the wall hit me, and when I was down, bleeding what was left of whatever creativity I had, it shit on my back with the Awesome power of persuasion and forced me NOT to write. (As you can tell my previous sentence…its working.) However, I have a potential plan to remedy that.

I may be going to Toronto in a week or so for 2-3 weeks to do some Quality Assurance work for my company and while I’m not working, I think I’ll lock myself away in my hotel room and write a book. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Jeremy, you couldn’t write a book in a few small weeks, why don’t you settle for writing out a chapter or two, or maybe a chronology…?”
I figure If I set my standards high, I’m more liable to follow through as I really hate letting myself down. But If I don’t get a whole book written, and maybe only a few chapters or something… well ya know what…at least I’ve gotten some writing done and I’ll have grown in that light.

My Buddy Pat and I are still waiting for our Agent to get our book to the publishers to get picked up, BUT that’s been going on for over a year now so I have no hope for it happening in the future. I think you can see what it will look like here http://www.101industries.ca/frames.html

p.s. I think my next entry may be a excerpt from that book…. Stay tuned.